Bravery is Required
Making sense of the chaotic energy this month after the eclipse and new changes afoot this next season. Rebirth can be painful!
Hey, favorite people, and happy full moon! This springy full moon is known as the “Pink Moon,” which may necessitate some Nick Drake songs, for all that good melancholy but melodic energy.
However, the placid-sounding name “Pink Moon” might be a deceptive way to cloak the astrological chaos that has been ensuing this April — from the intense solar eclipse energy on 4/8 to the almost month of Mercury Retrograde, it’s been A TIME. If you have been feeling like why is the world exploding/going backwards/making things tough right now, I think you are not alone.
For example, while the New York Post is not necessarily where I go first for any news, let alone astrological advice, I got a kick out of their description of April’s cosmic moon and star energy:
Under the strange skies of the eclipse, themes of revelation and release are prominent, and what we are unable to let go of will quickly be taken from us. (Eclipse + retrograde) X Aries = Seismic change is guaranteed and bravery is required. If we can embrace the change, then holy hell fire — we’re in it to win it; if we can’t, no matter, it’s coming for us anyway.
I love the phrase, “Seismic change is guaranteed and bravery is required.” This could be a good mantra for writing, and for life, even when the cosmos are not coming for us!
Due to a lot of unforeseen (and some foreseen) circumstances, David and I were not able to go to Buffalo to see the total solar eclipse, but I got to see the 90% partial eclipse down by the Hudson River from our perch in Edgewater instead. And that was quite fun, and I saw a bunch of neighbors and friends, and talked to some new people, and felt very embedded in my community, which was also great.
I was doing some thinking about how the last solar eclipse in 2017 catapulted me from where I was then to where I am now, and how while I never expected to be exactly here, 7 years later, living in New Jersey and teaching writing at John Jay and finally putting my Taiwan book out later this year, I did have some eclipse-related experiences that shook up my life and made me decide to make some changes. This all began when I got home from watching the solar eclipse with my dad and stepmom in Connecticut, and had a voicemail from the Director of the Jentel Writing Residency in Wyoming, a delightful woman named Mary Jane.
It was an invitation to go to Wyoming for a month in October and just write—to have a break from my day-to-day life that I so dearly needed.
I didn’t hesitate. I packed up my stuff, asked my boss at the law firm where I was working for some unpaid time off, and told my then-fiancé David, who was very supportive. I made and froze him 30 dinners, packed my suitcases, and went to see the Rocky Mountains for the first time.
I remember the view of the mountains from the window, as we whispered past snow-capped peaks, ridges of the earth cut with knives like etchings in clay. These mountains had lived many lives. Once we landed in the smallest airport I had ever seen, and drove the 15 miles out of town to the residency, the sky was so vast, and the hills undulated all around us. I knew I was somewhere I had never been before, and it was going to change my life in a big way.
Every morning, I would go write in my studio — the Sunrise Studio, which faced east. Sometimes bald eagles or deer graced the view outside my window. And every afternoon, I would go for a walk in the “1000 acres” of hilly landscapes owned by Jentel. I called them “the hills of truth”— they spoke to me, encouraging me to be authentic in my writing, whispering to me to trust myself, and telling me when something needed to shift.
I started exploring Wyoming with my fellow residents, going to the local bars to hear live bluegrass music, and getting to know folks in the nearest town. Most importantly, I was learning to trust myself, trust my writing instincts, and trust the process. I trusted the ebb and flow of the words and creativity as they flowed through me. It was a heady feeling.
By the time that month was up, I was operating on a different neural network. I had a new sense of vastness, of quiet, and I was relaxed in a way I hadn’t been for a very long time. I floated home, and back to the law office, to my hundreds of unread emails.
And that first night back, in mid-November, at the office, I suddenly found myself trapped, realizing that this place was a prison. At the residency, my my heart had been free to roam and explore, and just be. Now, while I could gaze longingly out of my office window at the Empire State Building, I was stuck behind this thick pane of impenetrable glass. I couldn’t access the world. I could only watch it go by. I knew in that single moment that if I stayed at that job, I would die unhappily there, trapped by golden handcuffs.
In the days that followed, I planned my escape. It took a while. I would find a better life, a better job — one that offered me the freedom I needed to write, one that meant I could explore the world and my own mind and soul. I decided to return to teaching, a profession I had always loved but had not figured out how to make work on a financial level, since I had been adjunct faculty in grad school, and now sought out a full-time position in higher education.
But 18 months after that day I returned to the law office, I was able to resign, and 6 months after that, I started at John Jay as a full-time writing lecturer. And my writing has flourished, since I’m both happier and have more flexibility in terms of how I can spend my hours, days, weeks, and months. So much more seems possible now.
All of that started the day of the last solar eclipse. So while I have no idea what seismic changes are in store — although yes, I’m aware of a few big ones coming up! — I trust and wonder about what forces in the universe have begun shifting for me, and for all of us.
Regardless of what’s to come, bravery is required.
Yes! Love this! So glad you were able to make that change you needed. <3
Wonderful to read about your inspiration for making life changes!